Recovery from toxic stress and trauma can sometimes feel unnecessary—especially when you’ve adapted to functioning this way for so long. But beneath the surface, your system is always trying to manage what has not yet been fully processed. It’s not something you can set down once a week to give yourself a rest before picking it back up the next morning. It is with you, entwined in the brain and body, in all settings and circumstances.
What’s even worse is that you may not know that it is entwined within you, let alone the ways that it is. This makes it near impossible to counteract or compensate, although you may try. Recovery is not about fixing what is broken; it’s about supporting what has been injuries. There are at least three foundational reasons why recovery matters—not as an idea, but as a deeply practical and physiological necessity that affects how you live, relate, and experience yourself over time.
This post is part of a series: toxic stress and trauma.
Living with toxic stress and trauma(s) is a hard thing to truly understand unless you’ve been there yourself and journeyed with others as well. Recovering from trauma(s) takes profound courage and vulnerability. Becoming ready to sink yourself into restoring and the recovery process of doing so is delicate.
As I write this, many faces of people who were able to lean into their recovery are spontaneously flipping through my mind as though in a slow-moving digital photo frame. Each had their own way and their own time.
The most memorable example involved a good friend of mine. By the time we talked, she’d already had several people strongly suggest that she consider trauma recovery counselling. I’ll never forget it. She specifically outlined her intention in inviting me for coffee as wanting me to convince her of her need to go for trauma counselling. It was one of the more challenging conversations of my life. At the time (close to 20 years ago now) I knew a lot about trauma but not nearly as much as I know now. She is a strong intellect naturally and it was also a well-developed defense for her. Generally, I can hold my own intellectually, but there was nothing over almost 2 hours that convinced her, even though my arguments were sound and solid (for the most part).
I still remember how I felt getting out of her car when she dropped me off. Confused, disappointed, and feeling like I had failed on some level. I wondered how I had not been able to convince her when she wanted to be convinced? You would have thought it would be easy!
Within minutes of her driving away, a simple image popped into my mind, that I later drew for her. That reason resonated deeply for her. She took action to start trauma recovery counselling within days; entirely confident it was the right decision.
If you understand Stages of Change, that reason moved her from contemplation to action bypassing preparation completely. She never looked back, became increasingly healthy and whole through therapy (with someone specially trained in trauma recovery), and I’m happy to say we are still excellent friends.
Here’s what I have realized since then.
There are many different reasons to engage in recovery from toxic stress and trauma. Different reasons will resonate for different people. And, different reasons will resonate at different points in someone’s life. It depends on where people are at. Sometimes the reasons help us to gain awareness. Sometimes they help us to contemplate. Sometimes, to prepare. And sometimes, they propel us into action as it did with my friend.
Fast forward 20 years and much learning and practice since then, and I am much better equipped to outline the most important reasons for leaning into recovery. I’ll be sharing the reasons as a series of posts.
If you are someone who is considering whether you might be struggling with toxic stress or trauma, I hope that some or all of these reasons will resonate for you and move you a little bit closer to leaning into the retreating of winter that you need.
If you are wanting to help someone else, maybe just share the post with them and let them decide if and when to read it and whether or not to consider it. No matter where people are at, they get to empower their own path.
We’re Probably Struggling More Than We Realize because Trauma and Toxic Stress Compromise Recognition.
Toxic Stress and Trauma Recovery Supports Us to See and Understand What’s Happened, How It Affected Us, and to Respond Appropriately.
Many of us have a really hard time realizing that we have toxic stress or trauma and/or just how hard it is to live with them. We commonly tell ourselves it’s not that bad, or that we’re fine.
But we’re not, although we may not see it, at least not fully. And there’s at least five good reasons for this.
First, unfortunately, many of us, for a variety of reasons experienced trauma(s) that were not acknowledged or even denied at the time by those around us. Amid a lack of proper support, we absorbed these messages and denied or minimized what happened to us and how it affected us.
Second, an effect of toxic stress and/or trauma is that the functioning of the prefrontal cortex is compromised in various ways. This affects our ability to be self-aware and see the big picture. This means that it is much harder for us to see the full impact for ourselves.
Third, an aspect of trauma is avoidance. Avoidance of reminders of the trauma(s). Avoidance of our feelings. Avoidance of ourselves. Avoidance of our internal distress. Avoidance of what feels like it will overwhelm us again. Living in avoidance prevents us from seeing ourselves clearly.
Fourth, most people are not familiar enough with the symptoms of toxic stress or trauma(s) such that they would be able to recognize it in themselves.
And fifth, when individuals are suffering from complex trauma, they likely have been doing so for many years, perhaps since childhood. Sadly, this means that their compromised functioning has become familiar for them. So, they may genuinely believe that the ways they struggle are how everyone struggles.
Recovery gently supports us to see ourselves, how we’re struggling, and how we’ve been impacted by toxic stress and trauma(s) more clearly.
We learn about the various symptoms and become better able to see them in ourselves. We develop compassion for the ways we’ve been struggling.
We change our relationship to avoidance and acknowledge what a difficult way it is to live. We see how it helped us survive in the short term while having major ongoing and long-term consequences.
With support we learn to stop running from what’s has been happening inside ourselves.
This allows us to gently see and acknowledge the toxic stress and/or trauma(s) that have happened to us and how we’ve been impacted. With support we are able to respond to the harm and overwhelm in the ways that were not available at the time bringing resolution.
Stress Related Conditions and Trauma are a Really Hard Way to Live. They Use Up a lot of Energy and Effort.
Toxic Stress and Trauma Recovery Releases Us and Returns us to Really Living.
If you understand the symptoms of toxic stress and trauma you have a much better sense of how hard it might be to live day in and day out with the many symptoms, especially the long list that accompanies complex trauma. This previous post outlined the most common symptoms.
It’s endless. It’s exhausting.
And that’s over and above handling the responsibilities and relationships of life.
In some ways, it can feel like it has a flavour of futility to it.
Because it takes so much energy and effort to function with toxic stress and trauma(s), it can feel really hard to find the bandwidth to turn into recovery.
When we are able to redirect some of our energy and effort away from survival and toward recovery, things start to change.
They change slowly at first, but they do change. Through continued effort, we shift the symptoms and we release the underlying stress response activations and trauma(s) that have been keeping it all in place.
Our trajectory changes and we have energy available for living and loving.
Toxic Stress and Trauma Have Recurring and Far-Reaching Effects.
Toxic Stress and Trauma Recovery Turns the Tide.
The analogy of not being able to see the forest for the trees is entirely accurate as it relates to toxic stress and trauma. But even more accurate would be to say that we can’t see the forest fire for the burning trees. Toxic stress and trauma have recurring and far-reaching effects that most people don’t recognize the extent of. So, the forest continues to burn, and we can’t figure out why.
Both toxic stress and trauma have stress response activation at their core. This activation on an intense and prolonged basis floods the brain and body with stress chemicals.
This affects the brain’s ability to think, problem solve, create, remember, and learn. It affects focus, interest, motivation, and engagement.
It affects the ability to regulate mood, hunger, body temperature, sleep, and removing toxins from the brain during sleep.
It affects the body. It affects energy, inflammation, immune and endocrine systems.
It affects nervous system state and whether or not we can be connected and engaged with others, have empathy, and know and express our emotions, or are instead reactive or disengaged.
In addition, trauma has encapsulated traumatic memories and subconscious emotional learnings. These lead to triggers and reactivity, being tethered to the past, and having out of date and often rigid views of self, others, and the world.
Depending on the nature of the trauma, it may also affect our sense of self, our connection to self, our attachment style in relationships, and our sense of efficacy in the world.
At the end of the day, most of the forest is being affected. Our self. Our health. Our relationships. Our lives. Our work. Our finances. Our engagement in community.
Recovery addresses the underlying mechanisms of toxic stress and trauma(s). Initially, this means the fire stops spreading. After enough progress, the fire stops burning. And with a little more progress, the fire stops. And after even more progress, the forest starts to regenerate.
No matter where you might be in your journey related to toxic stress and/or trauma, I hope these general reasons helped you lean in a little more. Maybe you saw something about yourself or your life circumstances in a new way. Or maybe you got a little clearer on the potential impact of these things. No matter where you are, it’s okay. No matter how fast we go, we all just journey one step at a time.
Just be curious and help yourself to consider if you might be experiencing toxic stress or trauma one little bit at a time.
If some recognition trickles in, that’s great. If it feels overwhelming in any way, take a break from the content, practice some self-compassion, and access some support. Move into it very slowly and do your best to trust the wisdom of retreating and the process of winter.
With Humility, Hope, and Heart,
| Related Posts: Blog Category: Stress and Trauma |
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