Recognizing toxic stress and trauma is rarely as straightforward as we expect it to be. Despite growing awareness, many people still struggle to identify what counts as toxic stress or trauma in the first place—both in themselves and in others. This isn’t simply a matter of knowledge; it reflects how trauma can present subtly, build gradually, or become so familiar that it no longer registers as “out of the ordinary.” Add to this the influence of reducing self-awareness, normalization in families and cultures, and self-protection, and it becomes clear why so many experiences of toxic stress and trauma can go unrecognized for years. Understanding these barriers is an important step toward seeing more clearly what has been hidden in plain sight.
This post is part of a series: toxic stress or trauma.
Recognition is tricky and hard earned when it comes to toxic stress, and even more so for trauma. And in the meantime of someone getting there, the consequences keep snowballing in many, if not all directions.
As someone who has faced her share of recognition related to toxic stress, multiple kinds of trauma, and walked alongside quite a number of others who have done the same, I know that true restoring and recovery aren’t possible without it.
Recognition is the first and most important gateway. It’s the one that cues us that we need to enter the winter season. There are no other gateways without it.
It’s so important I am digging in to explain it, normalize it, and support it.
If this might apply to you or someone you love… big, slow breath. And maybe even another.
I want to really look at why recognition of toxic stress and trauma injuries can be so difficult in the first place. Hopefully, the listing helps you see yourself or others a little differently.
If while you’re reading this, some recognition of your own toxic stress or trauma injuries trickles in, that’s great. If it feels overwhelming in any way, take a long break from the content, practice some self-compassion, and access some support. I discussed how the prevalence of trauma is very likely more than is recognized, and more than most people realize in a previous post. I also outlined the symptoms of both trauma and complex trauma in this previous post.
Reasons Self-Recognition of Toxic Stress and Trauma is so Tricky
Struggling with recognition is common in all cases but not equally difficult. From my perspective, coming into recognition of toxic stress is difficult, trauma more difficult, and complex trauma the most difficult. Here are some of the reasons at the societal, system, and self level, along with some beginning antidotes for each of them.
- Disembodied Culture. The larger culture we live in is disembodied and disconnected. It leans toward performance, productivity, and profit at the expense of our felt sense, our experience, our wholeness, and well-being. This means we are not supported to be in touch with our sensations, feelings, pain, stress, or trauma. Instead, we are encouraged and even expected to bypass, say we’re fine, keep doing and contributing, and medicating ourselves if necessary. While they use different language, Jon Kabat Zinn in Coming to Our Senses and Gabor Mate in the Myth of Normal both discuss the larger culture of disembodiment and how it affects us. Recognition requires that we unplug from the larger society at least somewhat, reduce or resist the ways we are self-medicating, and turn inward to plug into and listen, really listen, to ourselves.
- Societal Stigma. While a lot of progress has been made, there is still, unfortunately, stigma related to mental health issues. Burnout, compassion fatigue, trauma, and complex trauma are psychological injuries. Society prefers that we’re fine and that we say we’re fine. It also prefers not to look at the larger societal issues that are contributing to many of these injuries. Maintaining stigma helps with that. There are ways to protect ourselves from stigma. We can refuse to absorb the faulty and toxic messages. Therapeutic support is compassionate and confidential. We don’t need to share with anyone else unless we choose to do so.
- Normalized within our Immediate Systems. Recognition is partly relative to the functioning of the systems we have experienced, been exposed to, and participate in. If unhealthy things were normalized to us and around us or were required from us in order to survive, it is much harder for us to recognize the dysfunction and its impacts on us and/or the ways we have become dysfunctional as a result. Further, the system(s), whether it is our immediate or extended family, culture, or community, will strongly resist us coming into recognition. Recognition requires that we develop a pocket of space between ourselves and any potentially unhealthy systems, and that we be willing to reconsider what we were conditioned to think was “normal” and “healthy”. Developing some ability to withstand pressures to maintain the dysfunctional status quo also provides space for our recognition to unfold.
- Enabling by Others. Without meaning to, others can continue relating with us and tolerating the ways we are functioning from toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma over the long term. This is a complex topic with varying degrees of responsibility on either side. And while it is not anyone else’s responsibility to make us recognize or recover from our toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma, the more that people accommodate around us no matter how dysfunctional we are, the less likely we are to come into recognition. (Of course, even if someone stops accommodating our dysfunction, it doesn’t mean we will come into recognition. We might, for example, find it more appealing to blame them instead of looking at ourselves. It depends on many factors). We can support our recognition by truly considering any concerns or complaints that others bring to our attention to the best of our ability.
- Misinformation. There is misinformation about the types of things that can result in toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma and what the signs and symptoms are. Acknowledgement of the significant contribution of social injustices and inequities on toxic stress and traumas is in the early stages. This means, if we have not experienced the commonly listed extreme events, it will not occur to us that we are suffering from toxic stress or trauma injuries. As part of this, we may also encounter well-meaning others, including professionals, with limited trauma awareness who disregard or misread symptoms and circumstances. These things tend to result in us not trusting our experience, not acknowledging how much we have been affected, and shutting down beginning attempts at recognition. It’s important to be aware of potential misdirection and misinformation from many sources. It helps to seek enough and multiple sources as we consider if we are experiencing toxic stress injuries or trauma(s).
More Reasons Self-Recognition of Toxic Stress and Trauma is So Tricky (and Hard Earned)
- Diminished Neocortex Capacity. When we are functioning from toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma, we are largely operating from one or a combination of survival defense states in the nervous system (fight or flight, freeze, or flop-shutdown). These states automatically engage more of the limbic and reptilian brain and less of the neocortex brain. This means we have less capacity for the functions that are part of the neocortex, many of which are needed for recognition such as self-awareness, critical thinking, connecting the past to the present, big picture thinking, integrating new information, and learning. These things no longer come as easily or automatically. We can support recognition by intentionally working to connect things and by turning to knowledgeable others who are functioning well from their neocortex for their perspective.
- Dysregulation and Distress. Toxic stress and traumatic injuries involve nervous system dysregulation and emotional distress. When we’re in the middle of such symptoms, it’s disorienting especially when we either cannot connect it to a cause or don’t know how to bring ourselves out of them effectively. What usually happens is that we do everything in our power to not experience them and to ensure that nothing increases them since they already feel intolerable. So, we guard against coming into recognition that we are experiencing a toxic stress or trauma injury because we believe that doing so will increase our dysregulation and distress. In reality, coming into recognition that we are likely suffering from a toxic stress or trauma injury helps us to make sense of our dysregulation and distress, perhaps for the first time. And, it offers the pathway to restore our nervous system.
- Survival and Self-Protection. Toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma are intricately rooted in survival defenses and self-protection within the nervous system, limbic brain, and reptilian brain. Survival and self-protection have essentially become the primary driver for functioning, and this is happening automatically. While it can take many different forms, we are essentially defensive. We defend against everything internal that is part of the neuropyschobiology of toxic stress and trauma such as a dysregulated nervous system, painful emotions, and underlying feelings of shame or unworthiness. From this place of functioning, we actively resist anything that challenges or threatens us, and we perceive and misperceive a lot of things as unsafe or threatening. This includes defending against coming into recognition that we might have a psychological injury related to toxic stress or trauma. To the degree we are able, we need to soften our defenses so that we are able to come into recognition.
- Subconscious Traumatic Memory and Emotional Learning. An aspect of trauma is that traumatic memory is not processed and integrated when it occurs. Rather, it becomes fragmented, encapsulated, and stuck subconsciously within the limbic brain. This happens along with emotional learnings such as “I can’t trust anyone” or “the world is not safe” that are also subconscious. These things continually and dramatically impact how we are functioning including through becoming triggered. Unfortunately, because these emotional learnings are located below our conscious awareness (sub), it provides extra challenge to recognizing that we are suffering from trauma or complex trauma. We can pay special attention to any significant inconsistencies in our functioning and disproportionate reactions. These things are often an indicator that something deeper (subconscious) might be going on that is potentially overruling our conscious intent.
- Overwhelm and Inefficacy. By their nature, toxic stress injuries and trauma(s) involve overwhelm. We are using all of our energy and resources to cope, handle the basics of life, and hold up all our defenses and protections. Despite all of this effort, we may or may not be managing. So, there isn’t spare capacity for recognition. Further, the reality is that we don’t know how to go about dealing with toxic stress and trauma injuries. Coming into recognition would just add to the overwhelm, so on some level we keep it at bay. Of course we don’t know how to deal with it! These are not routine, everyday kinds of problems. They are significant. Recognition requires that we appreciate that even the most overwhelming problems can come to be understood and made more manageable through chunking down and accessing helpful information as well as knowledgeable and skilled supports.
A Gentle Approach to Untangling the Barriers to Self-Recognition of Toxic Stress and Trauma
Coming into recognition about toxic stress or trauma injuries isn’t easy. While I’ve organized them in a neat and tidy list, the reasons are entangled and much messier within us. It can feel like a big ball of stuff, which makes it all the harder to sort out.
Be gentle. Don’t go after the ball. It will very likely tighten if you do.
Just be curious and help yourself to consider if you might be experiencing toxic stress or trauma one little bit at a time. This previous post outlined the most common symptoms.
If some recognition trickles in, that’s great. If it feels overwhelming in any way, take a break from the content, practice some self-compassion, and access some support. Move into it very slowly and do your best to trust the wisdom of retreating and the process of winter.
With Humility, Hope, and Heart,
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