It’s the end of December. The snow is here. If we celebrate Christmas, we’ve shared the feasts, unwrapped all the presents, and perhaps attended mass. The bears are hibernating and the trees are dormant. It seems a good time to lean into what Winter is all about as we get ready to ring in the new year.
The Wonder of Restoring
Winter is about Restoring. It is the overarching purpose of a Winter. The word “restore” is a wonderful word with multiple meanings. It can mean to move back, to seclude, to regroup, to re”treat”.
The is true when things are mostly going well in our lives and there is simply snow and reduced sunlight within the calendar year. It is especially true when the circumstances of our lives involve confusion, loss, upheaval, endings, exhaustion, illness, injury, betrayal, and/or trauma.
Our restoring is not a given. Some people never go into a real winter season. They stay skating on the surface of life and what’s difficult. Some people don’t go in unless they are absolutely forced by circumstances. Some people come out prematurely. Some people never really come out. Our retreating and the promises that come with it depend on our ability to recognize, honour, and navigate our way through Winter, and not rush to a new year and a fresh start.
How many winters have you been through? Actual winters? And winter seasons?
How did you recognize, honour, and navigate them?
My Own Winters
I’ve been through quite a few winters. In terms of actual winters, I’ve been through several decades worth while living in places that get considerable snow and are pretty cold sometimes. I’ve also been fortunate to visit Nunavut in the winter months where is it very, very cold. Among other places, I visited Arctic Bay which at 73°N latitude, ranks among the top ten most northerly communities in the entire world. I know the wonderous pull of going inward in response to minimal sunlight, piles of snow, and frigid cold.
I’ve also been through quite a few winter seasons.
The hardest winter season lasted about five years as I initiated recovering from complex trauma. It was the most difficult winter season because it’s hard work, and because I was young and didn’t have much self yet, didn’t know how to navigate it, and didn’t have much support outside of my therapist. In truth, I had probably been stuck in shut down and winter for many years prior, but I was finally fed up enough or brave enough (or both) to start engaging with it.
The longest winter season lasted almost seven years as I recovered from a car accident that occurred four months postpartum and resulted in several injuries including a brain injury while being a new mom and parenting a teenager. It’s the one that needed the most muscle because among other things, many parts of my cognitive functioning were compromised, I was utterly exhausted, in physical pain, a good portion of it, including with migraines, I needed to ensure that I was meeting the needs of the children in my care no matter what my capacity was, and the primary relationship I was in turned out not only to be unsupportive but unsafe. Thankfully, I had a lot of self by that point in my life, so there was no question in my mind or my soul that I would get myself and the children through and out of it, it was a matter of time, leaning in, tenacity, and engaging with grace.
Knowing and Engaging with the R’s of Winter
A number of other “Rs” work together to support Retreating.
Knowing and engaging with them in different ways and at different times is what allows us to move through winter, even the most difficult winter seasons. In doing so, we can avoid the pitfalls and come to appreciate the promises.
I’ll be talking about the “Rs” of Winter in this, and other posts.
5 R’s of Winter
Restoring (overarching purpose)
Renewing
Reflecting
Releasing
Resourcing (supports all seasons)
Pitfalls of Winter
Any season of life, especially winter, has some pitfalls. The more aware and intentional we are in navigating them, the more likely we are to emerge in spring. Drop into them, simply inviting learning in a different, usually more difficult way.
- Minimizing the need for renewal or otherwise cutting it short leaves us with limited energy to fully engage with the reflecting, releasing, and restarting of spring when it arrives.
- Not recognizing that we’ve entered winter and trying to hold onto a prior season or rush into spring. This can also happen if we don’t realize that different parts of us or different parts of our lives can be in different seasons simultaneously.
- Avoiding or engaging in minimal reflecting, otherwise blocking awareness, or dismissing insight. This prevents us from seeing what we need to see about ourselves, our relationships, our lives, and the world more fully, deeply, and honestly.
- Trying to hold onto things and avoid the vulnerability and pain of release or otherwise trying to bypass it, which merely delays the pain and/or blocks the process of winter.
- Sinking into winter so deeply we stop taking proper care of ourselves, pull away from others, and stop resourcing ourselves. This makes moving through the hard parts of winter even more difficult because we have less energy, self-care, and support.
- Refusing or being unable to forgive ourselves or others because we think it condones whatever has happened, instead of realizing the point is to release ourselves from the burden of suffering and being stuck.
- Not trusting the process or having faith in ourselves that no matter how long the winter or the void that may be a part of it is, we are in the midst of an important unfolding, and the restart of spring will arrive.
- Not engaging with our soul or the higher part of ourselves, which would increase insight, allow grace, expand faith, and accompany us as we journey through winter.
Promises of Winter
Winter has some delicious promises. They may not feel delicious during the process, but they definitely do on the other side if we can stay the course with a willingness and an open heart.
- There is a sense of feeling restored in some way. It may simply be with one area of renewal, or it may be in multiple or all areas physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally, occupationally, etc.
- We typically emerge with a deeper, more authentic relationship to ourselves. We know ourselves better and more willing to live in a way that is aligned with that knowing.
- Through weathering the challenges of winter, we often increase important capabilities that will support us in all areas of life such as slowing down, self-care, self-compassion, compassion toward others, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and perseverance.
- We have unburdened ourselves from what may have been heavy, what has left our lives, and/or that which no longer served. This lightening means we have more to show up with.
- Moving through a winter typically increases our truth and clarity about ourselves, life, and what has meaning and importance to us going forward.
- We develop or expand the ability to stay with ourselves, even in the messiness.
- Our widened perspective supports us in seeing others and the world more clearly and insightfully.
- We often strengthen our trust and faith in ourselves and the process of life.
- We may deepen our spiritual life and the place of soul within us.
Renewal and Renewing
The second R of winter is Renewing. It is vital to infuse ourselves with some deliberate renewal at the start of any winter and throughout a winter season.
There are many ways to renew ourselves and we must find the ways that work for us.
Renewal involves rest of all kinds. We may sleep more or engage in stillness while curling up with a book, a pet, or some good music. We may retreat for a time to replenish ourselves. We may give our intellect a break with some playful distraction like board games. We may engage in more low-key activities like warm baths or walks to see the glistening snow on the trees.
We may turn toward things that reflect beauty for us or engage in creative, artistic, or spiritual pursuits as a way of relighting ourselves with poetry, art, or perfecting a savory bread recipe.
We may revisit our values and what has meaning, and invite them to arise once again within us.
We may also refine our skills and “sharpen our saw” as Stephen Covey called it. This might look like quietly getting lost in learning something or improving our capability in some area without the pressure of achieving or meeting a deadline.
We may rebalance an area of ourselves or our lives that got a little tilted throughout the year. We simply pull ourselves inward and make the adjustment until it feels right communicating kindly to others that may be impacted.
We are essentially replenishing, refining and reuniting with what’s most important to us.
We need to do so in real time by really listening to ourselves in the right here and right now. It doesn’t work to simply do what we’ve always done or what we think we should do. We change. Our circumstances change. Our needs change. And the kind of renewal we need changes based on how we’ve been living, what we’ve been going through, and what our current life circumstances are. So be here now.
We may need to let go of the message from the larger commercial culture that has convinced us our renewal can only be found in a two-week tropical vacation. For most of us, renewal is available in any moment in the here and now, if we believe it can be and are creative about it.
How will you best renew after this past year and the busy holidays?
For me, it’s been a year with a lot of productivity as I moved forward working on goals in a couple of areas. I did my best to keep myself renewed throughout, but I definitely fell short. In fact, part of how I managed the year was to move from symbolically using a plate to hold all the things I was responsible for/wanting to create to upgrading to a symbolic platter so that it all fit. I did this because historically, I tended to set aside the things that were most important to me as I took care of other things, and I made a commitment to myself to no longer do that.
Energetically imagining my life, my goals, and my responsibilities as being on a platter was super helpful and liberating. I expanded how I was holding it. I spent the year navigating it all and did not set anything aside. I felt more flexible as I reprioritized across the platter throughout the year. The downside is that I am tired. However, I am aware that it is a different kind of tired. It’s not exhausted. It’s tired from spending myself in meaningful pursuit of what most mattered to me and my family.
And now, I need to renew myself especially with physical and intellectual rest (while maintaining my responsibilities). It’s going to be simple. Taking the time every morning to meditate or be in stillness even if just for a few minutes. Being careful with my scheduling so there is space without pursuit or productivity. Saying yes to play. Deliberately leaving the to do list on the paper and not carrying it with me in my mind. Noticing nature more intently while I am out walking the dog. Getting in some teatime with friends. It’s amazing what small actions like this can do collectively to renew us.
Reflecting and Its Doorway to Awareness
The third R of winter is Reflecting. It is something that often starts to happen naturally as we rest.
Reflecting involves all manner of gaining awareness and coming to understand and know something from as many aspects and depths of ourselves as possible: emotionally, intellectually, intuitively, historically, relationally, sensationally, soulfully, morally, and/or developmentally, through the effect of various influences. The slowing down of winter invites paying attention to ourselves and our lives differently while considering, contemplating, rethinking, and even engaging in a little ruminating while we work to go deeper. If we’re diligent and open ourselves to receiving insights, we may rediscover, realize something for the first time, or reframe something significant. We are essentially exploring for deeper understanding of ourselves and our lives.
Sometimes, if we’re ready and in the midst of a significant winter, a grouping of smaller painful insights will come together into a larger awareness that can feel like a shattering of our perspective, understanding, or beliefs about ourselves or something else. It almost always comes with loss and sends us into releasing for a time.
We can of course prime our own reflecting with prompts. We can reflect with quotes, with questions, or guided meditations.
I find the end of the year to be a particularly good time for reflection. My birthday is in late November, which is close enough to year’s end that I tend to group reflecting from birthday to birthday along with the past calendar year. For me, it’s a simple and sacred taking stock.
I don’t have a set of specific questions I use, but I do reflect in some key places:
- How have I lived my values and my soul’s knowing and where have I fallen short?
- How have I treated myself and others? Including where I may have compromised myself and why?
- How have I grown and what have I learned?
- How have I fallen down and what do I need to to expand myself?
- How have I parented and where might I need to do better (including asking for input from those I am parenting)?
- How have I faired in moving toward the intentions and goals I was holding for myself?
- How have I given to others compared to what I had to give?
The answers are always helpful although not necessarily easy. They ensure I am seeing myself clearly to the best of my ability. They give rise to truly noticing growth and progress. They highlight areas to improve and where I might need help. They reveal inconsistencies between what I feel and say is important and how I have actually been or what I have actually done, so I can explore that further.
How are you reflecting this winter? What questions are you sitting with?
As the year comes to an end, I invite you to lean into winter: both the weather and the process of a winter season. Take the time to renew yourself. Make some space to take stock and reflect as deeply as you can.
With Humility, Hope, and Heart,
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